everysecond | IC Voicemail

[This is where it gets difficult. Ellie lays a hand over her side, gliding her fingers over the places that still ache when it gets cold. The breaks that showed up on her x-rays with John.]

I started... crawling. I think some ribs were broken by then. I don't remember. But I spotted his machete.

And he just... came out of nowhere, started kicking me.

He told me I could try begging.

I didn't. I told him fuck you.

Good.

[He deserved it. Ellie begging? Fuck that shit.]

So he... flipped me over.

[She rubs her hand against the side of her throat, thinks of leaving this part out, but the whole point is to tell it all. She bulls on through. Riley's silence and support have made all the difference.]

Started strangling me. I reached for the machete and got it in my hand.

I don't-

[She bites her lip. She does. She does remember.]

It all kind of went crazy. He screamed, a little bit. At first. And then he stopped.

I didn't stop. Joel had to pull me off him.

Fucker deserved it for pushing you.

[And...at least Ellie's butchered someone who deserves it.]

Fucking deserved it for a lot of things.

[Ellie feels ill, thinking of it. But she doesn't feel like she's going to break down or start sobbing. It's a start. A good start.]

How you doing? Got it together?

[That's the important thing. Not that Riley is pissed at this guy, not that Riley is concerned about the gods, not whatever Joel probably thinks because she knows that he at least cares about Ellie even if he's an asshole to Riley... All that matters is that Ellie is holding up.]

Yeah. Fine.

[Bullshit. She crushed a man's skull in. Normal people don't do the shit she did today, and normal people definitely don't walk away from it without some serious emotional shit going on.]

Bullshit. That's why I didn't ask if you were okay. I only asked if you have it together.

I'm not gonna... wig out or anything. Okay?

I've got this.

[She sounds a touch defensive, mostly because she's definitely not all right.]

Sure. You won't wig out for the gods.

[She gives her a meaningful look.]

So there's time to freak out while it's just me.

I already did.

[She feels... strange, about this, for some reason. Like it's some kind of betrayal that when she came home, she broke down with Joel. Not Riley. But Joel had been there. He'd seen it. Riley hadn't.

Riley was gone.]

A... a long time ago, Ry.

Girl, will you just...stop that shit and let me hug you. Come on.

[Because she just needs to fucking hold her after all that.]

No.

[She makes a jerking motion with her hands, because if Riley is nice to her...]

No, shit. If you do it, I'll fucking cry-

Fuck it.

[She reaches out with her powers to tug her closer, wrapping her arms around her.]

Fuck it and fuck not crying. They're not hear right now and I am. If you need to cry then just cry, damn it.

[Even and Riley pulls her in, Ellie remains tense, trembling a little until she buries her face into her neck. The tears, when they come, have to fight their way out. She tries to hold onto them, but she soon gives up.

They're quiet. The kind that happen during the middle of the night, face pressed into a pillow to muffle the uneven breaths.

It's been a long time since she's let herself cry. It's always been explosive, angry or terrified, a heat of the moment thing that couldn't be contained, a crack right down the middle she couldn't hold together. This is different. This is a moment Riley has assured her she has a right to have, to sit down and be human for a bit.

Ellie didn't know what the fuck to do, the one time she saw Riley cry. But it seems like Riley knows.]

[Riley just holds her while she cries, letting Ellie get it out. It's just them now, there's no one to judge Ellie for her tears. Hell, she totally won't. Hugging her tight, she even goes so far as to pet her hair gently, not even telling her to hush or anything.

Sometimes a person just needs to fucking cry and she knows it and she's gonna let her girl do that.]

[Was there some kind of class in comfort that Ellie missed, growing up? Because Riley, Tess, Joel, even Sandy- they all have hugged her and touched her hair, and she doesn't know why, but it works. It's the most soothing thing she can think of.

Soon, her breathing evens out, but she doesn't pull away. Riley's shoulder is warm and her face is still damp and hot, but it's easier to breathe. Not so much pressure in her chest, her throat, behind her eyes.

Riley's right, she does feel better.]

[She can feel when Ellie starts to relax but doesn't stop petting her. This is helping and she can tell. Hell, it's something she remembers her mom doing for her before...

Yeah. This shit works.]

... if anybody comes here asking questions, don't stop 'em. As long as they're from the castle.

Okay? I wanna deal with this myself.

Fine. But you can't tell me not to be pissed about it anyway, got it? Because I'm still gonna be fucking pissed.

You bet.

[Ellie starts to straighten up, but partway through it, she loses heart and buries her face back into Riley's shoulder for a while. She might not have this for some time, if Clementine's right.]

[She's more than willing to just hold her for as long as possible. It's the best thing to do right now and she knows it. Just...hold her to let her know that she'll be here for her in the end.]

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