everysecond | IC Voicemail

[Ellie totally doesn't miss how Riley upgraded her back up to burger.]

Still can't beat Joel's, but we'll make do.

So what the hell have you been doing with your life without me here, making it interesting?

Oh you know. Kicking ass. Taking names. I have my own place now though and it's sooo sweet. Got it right near the arcade.

[Priorities. Hers are in order.]

You did?! Did you bring my stuff? And Jackson?

[Because seriously, Joel wasn't here either, was he?]

Of course I did. Both the dogs get along really well and I've even been teaching Jackson some new tricks. They're like...ninja dogs now.

[Because obviously she has to teach the dogs to be great Assassin companions.]

The hell'd you teach them how to do? Fetch throwing stars?

I guess you will just have to find out how awesome I've made them.

They're dogs. They're awesome by default.

[Ellie pulls them into the restaurant, finding a booth and stretching out on one side, putting her feet up. Ugh, she needs a shower. Riley's awesome for not saying anything.

Cheeseburgers first. As they order, Ellie reaches for the ketchup and one of the napkins and squirts some on her finger, licking it off. It's disgusting, but she's starving.]

So we got back to Tommy's place a little while ago. And I finally told Joel about you.

You are not wrong about that.

[After seeing her girlfriend settle for ketchup, she waves down an order of fries and shoves them in front of her. Seriously. Settling for ketchup is apocalypse shit, girl.]

Yeah? How'd that all go?

Giving me the first crack at the fries? You must've really missed me.

[Ellie stuffs her cheeks so fast, it's hard to say whether she actually tastes it. She's not as painfully thin as the last time she came back from their world, but she's still a growing girl.]

I think he was kinda surprised when I said "she".

[Ellie gives her a small smile.]

I'm not the one who has been running through mushroom zombie land.

[So naturally Ellie gets first crack at the fries. She does grab a few though, chewing on them and eating with her mouth full of food.

Some brother of hers would flick her ear for sure.]

She, huh?

[Then she feigns shock.] Woah shit! You mean I'm a chick?

[Ellie gives her a heavy kick in the shin.]

I've seen the show, remember?

[She actually doesn't even wince because she's got awesome hidden shin guards down there and instead just laughs.]

Yeah, yeah. So what happened after that?

[Ellie can feel it. She pauses, then leans down, totally distracted.]

The fuck is on your legs?

[She grins and brings her leg up so she can pull her pant leg up. There's a shin guard there.]

Cool, right?

... does this mean you're an assassin now, for real?

I'm not top dog or anything but I got some stats.

Holy shit. Do you have a blade thingy and everything?

Actually I got that during the celebration ages ago.

[She makes sure no one is watching then makes the hidden blade spring forth.]

[Riley. Feel proud of how high Ellie jumps. She knocks her head on the back of the booth.]

Holy shit, are you nuts? Put that thing away! Ow, goddamn-

[Flicking it back in, she grabs her stomach as she starts laughing.]

Holy shit you should see your face! Oh man that was fucking awesome!

Dude, you don't just pull your murderstick out in front of the fries. That's just rude.

[Ellie is massively pouting now, but she eats a few more of them for emphasis. Is she blushing? She's blushing.]

[Riley puts on the most serious look and claps her hands and bows to the fries.]

I am so sorry for waving my stick over you guys when I'm about to kill you with my mouth and stomach juices instead.

[And then she grabs a few and tosses them in her mouth with a grin. She's full of shit and she knows it.]

Riley, mightiest of fry destroyers. All spuds shall fear her wrath.

[Deadpan, before Ellie grins and helps herself to more.]

As well they should. I can kick any fry's ass.

[Watch her flex that muscle.]

Fearless asskicker of dead potatoes everywhere.

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